You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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