Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
