the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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