every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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