You work out of a Hotel?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
