quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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