omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
