Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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