I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize