everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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