He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
