I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
