How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
