His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
