how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
