his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
