All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
