You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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