Ambien. No doubt about it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
