you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
