Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
