I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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