Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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