I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
