You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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