If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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