if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
