they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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