onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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