using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
