I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
