after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
