winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
