Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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