I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
