I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
