My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
