we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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