Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
