happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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