even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
