Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
