Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
