how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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