i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
