i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
