Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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