so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
