i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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