Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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