I am spending my child support on dildos
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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