OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
