he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
