Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I deserve this hangover.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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