I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
