I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
