Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
