Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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