My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
