Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
