Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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