This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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