A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
