Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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