Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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