i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
