I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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