yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
