I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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