I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
